Tuesday, September 27, 2011

(Regarding a less-than-favorite uncle in a favorite wedding photo): "Where's Wal-douche?"

Monday, September 19, 2011

(While explaining a banked track car problem:) "Think Nascar but it means something."  (The response from his friend: "I'm stupid, not Southern.")

Sunday, September 18, 2011

"You're on Team La Porta now.  It's like Team Edward, but less gay."

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Friday, September 16, 2011

"Twelve thought trains ran through the station at the same time...and then it stopped, cause the conductor died."

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

"Every time I fart, it'll smell like an orange grove."

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

(My husband is apparently madly in love with the candy, Dots.) "I hope if we have twins, one of them is a Dot, cause then it would be huge and delicious and I could eat it...and we could still have a kid."

No, this does not mean I'm pregnant.

Monday, September 5, 2011

"Yeah, OCD just means 'old cool dude.' ...That made no sense."

Saturday, September 3, 2011

(While watching Harry Potter 7a:) "So wearing a horcrux all day turns you into a douchebag." ("yup.")  "Kind of like Axe Body Spray."  ("Exactly.")  "I've got this."

Friday, September 2, 2011

"Some people call it pooping, I call it making room for fun."