Guest Stupidity

(An actor on his fears:) "Just heights.  Only heights.  And bugs."

Guest Stupidity

(Re: the cutting of the text of a Shakespearean play for an upcoming production, and how much had actually been removed:) "It's on life support.  I removed vital organs."

"I don't think strippers existed until Warrant's 'Cherry Pie' allowed them to."

(In regards to my mentioning that the Twitter posts I'm mentioned in get favorited by famous people:) "That's right honey.  Follow me, I'll lead you to the promised land.  Not sure where that is.  I think it's by Costco."