(After a commercial for a hospital:) "That person has an IV, get them back inside before it gets infected!  God!  Fucking whiteboard hospitals and their stupid shit!"

(After I found a mysterious smear of blood on my chin and remarked upon it:) "What do I keep telling you?  You can't just sacrifice the people, you have to respect the ceremony."

Guest Stupidity

"I'm so rich, I don't need pants!"

(Watching Cosmos, after flailing excitedly:) "I hurt myself getting excited over Keppler's Second Law."

Guest Stupidity

"He could use a lesson in hubris but he's not stupid."

Guest Stupidity

"No amount of yoga will help rigor mortis."

"Hey hon...I just got a reply from The Satellite of Love..."
(He tweeted to the MST3K guys...and got replies!  From Mike and Bill (aka Crow).)