(Directing me to a particular liqueur in the bar:) "If the bottle was a person, Sir Mix-a-Lot would love it."

"If you're going to be a trophy wife honey, you need a bigger shelf."

Oh football...

"Watching my cat try to catch her toy mouse is like watching Mark Sanchez try and carry a football."

"That ficus has seen horrors."

Guest Stupidity

"I think my curly bangs add a certain romanticism to the situation.  Suck it, Jane Austen."

Guest Stupidity

(When a version of "Let it go" was on Pandora:) "I prefer the other version of this song: (sings) 'Fuck it all/fuck it all'."

Guest Stupidity

(Singing along:) "Have a holly jolly Christmas/or I'll punch you in the face."