Guest Stupidity

Courtesy of one of my coworkers -- at the department holiday party, during a trivia game, after a large number of Jewish students could not properly identify which direction menorah candles are lit: "Do we get a prize for the worst Jew ever?"

Guest...not-really-stupidity

Courtesy of my brother...thank him every time you do this!

"How old is too old to put on your high beams on a snowy night and pretend you're Han Solo entering hyperspace?"

(Talking about when he was in school:) "That was back when I was just a little amazing. ...I was humble once, too."

Shameless Self-Promotion

Visit my shop and find a perfect gift for that special someone!  This weekend, use coupon code BLACKFRIDAY for 10% off your order!  

(Placing a steak in the broiler:) "Go go Maillard Reaction!"

The Big 3-0!

(If I recall, we were watching one of the Harry Potter movies:) "Ha! Five year olds didn't get the goat rape joke. That's for me!"

Happy birthday MPH!!

In Honor Of Thanksgiving

(Christmas eve, as a turkey is being prepared.  Makes what is presumably a turkey noise:) "I can commune with animals.  I am the Turkey Whisperer."