Guest Stupidity

(To me:) "When you have a baby I'm buying it Machiavelli."

"I don't flex, I wiggle."

(Baking cookies, 12 minutes later:) "Man, Paula Deen must have been huffing Pam when she said that was 8 minutes."

Celebrity Guest Stupidity

(Courtesy of one of my favorite artists, to both MPH and I:) "You know what I tell young people who are thinking about having kids?  Use a condom."

Road rage

(In the car going around a curve on the inside, yelling at someone trying to pass him:) "Pi R Squared, bitch!"

Guest Stupidity

"You can't call shotgun on a [human] centipede!"

(After whacking his head:) "I taste pain!"