Guest stupidity

(Regarding how hair should be styled for a dance piece:) "You're on the couch, drinking wine, eating ice cream, and watching He's Just Not That Into You on repeat."
(Note: she was doing none of these.)

(To a Jehovah's Witness at the door:) "No thank you, we're scientists."

"You might notice the couscous math on the fridge."

(On the futility of doing magic tricks for infants:) "Object permanence is magical."

Guest Stupidity

(To me:) "When you have a baby I'm buying it Machiavelli."

"I don't flex, I wiggle."

(Baking cookies, 12 minutes later:) "Man, Paula Deen must have been huffing Pam when she said that was 8 minutes."