(Talking about candle scents, it was decided that my stripper name should be "Pineapple Flame.") "Pineapple Flame.  Finally, a stripper name that means something to you but also communicates that you'll take it in the ass if you get enough money."

Guest Stupidity

(After I texted with perceived plot holes while watching Frozen for the first time): "DON'T OVERTHINK DISNEY MAGIC"

Guest Stupidity

(Regarding the NY Mets): "They have a great talent for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory."

"It's all about the thin veneer of maturity.  Put that on my tombstone after I die doing something stupid."

(After testing some clearance wine sold in a glorified juice box): "This gives boxed wine a bad name, and that's saying something."

Guest Stupidity

(To MPH, regarding the saga of a squirrel trapped in his father's basement): "Be honest, you enjoyed using the ninja training a little bit."

Guest Stupidity

(Regarding symbiosis): "Like, you're not parasites, but you're both parasites."