(Admiring a freshly-cooked steak:) "My meat is paparazzi worthy!"

(Dancing around the kitchen, flailing:) "In my world there is little difference between dancing and boxing."

(Over Christmas, discussing with his high-school friends ex-girlfriends who none of them particularly liked:) "Well, I was young and impressionable and she had big boobs, what do you expect?"

(While drinking a lot at a friend's wedding, after insulting the maid of honor:) "Remember when I had an inner monologue?  That was nice."

(While watching CNN:) "Damn you Anderson Cooper and your rugged good looks!"