Wednesday, November 30, 2011

(Coming into the bathroom first thing in the morning, noting the cat sitting on the sink, as per usual:) "I like to think that the cat and I have this weird codependency that one day would make a great buddy comedy."

Monday, November 21, 2011

(Upon discovering he was running out of deoderant, and my exclaimation that I couldn't understand how he uses it up so fast:)
Me: How do you use up your deoderant so quickly?
MPH: I think it's my pit hair, not enough gets to the skin.  Next time I buzz [my goatee], I think i'm gonna give my pits a fade.
Me: You know how I know you're gay?
MPH: Hey!  That's not gay, that's gangster!  When I raise my gun up sideways to bust a cap in someone's ass, I want them to see my fade.  THAT'S gangsta. 
(He tried to get me to change his actual quote to "The last think I want them to think is, 'Hey, nice pits!'")

Thursday, November 17, 2011

(Regarding the new Northern commercial where we are told to speak seriously about what we want from our toilet paper:) "I don't ask so much of my toilet paper that we need to have a discussion about it."

Sunday, November 13, 2011

(Referring to Robert Pattinson's character in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, repeatedly:) "Cedric Sparkletits Diggery"

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

He's sweet even if he says silly things...these were actually given to me a week ago...they're holding up great!

Monday, November 7, 2011

(Re: a duster commercial where the ineffectiveness of a feather duster is demonstrated by smacking a dusty surface:) "It's like fucking an octogenarian -- knock it too hard and you'll get dust everywhere."

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Can't unhear....

So has anyone seen T-Mobile's holiday commercial, where they pervert "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" into "walking in a 4G wonderland?"  My Physicist Husband misheard this as "walking in an orgy wonderland"...we haven't looked back.  Suddenly commercials are entertaining again.

Friday, November 4, 2011

"That was topical humor, like an ointment."

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

(While discussing the potential to not modify a pair of pants to wear to a renaissance faire:) "I want my pants gay!"