Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Merry Christmas!

(Visiting my parents in CT, doing some last minute shopping, my mother commented to a store employee about the fact that they were putting out supplies for all of the upcoming spring holidays, up to and including Easter:) "Not even born yet and we're burying Him."

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Overheard in Class

(Discussing the results of a midterm:) "Instead of Watteau, I called them Wizzau Pleats, like that terrible actor from The Room!"

Monday, December 16, 2013

Guest Stupidity

The Seven of Diamonds is the bondage card."

Go see Nothing to Hide...if you can!  It was amazing!

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Guest Stupidity

(At a production meeting:) "No one utters the phrase 'utter crap' like you."

Monday, December 9, 2013

Guest Stupidity

"We're tasting extinct bananas.  It's like eating a dinosaur."

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Guest Stupidity

(During a fitting, adding a Roman-looking cloak to his costume for a masquerade scene:) "Friends, Romans, Countrymen...fuck it, we're partying."

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

(While reading this blog, having forgotten saying most of the things posted, and being thoroughly amused by them:) "It's like a mobius strip of forgetfulness and fun."

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Guest Stupidity

(An actor on his fears:) "Just heights.  Only heights.  And bugs."

Monday, November 11, 2013

Guest Stupidity

(Re: the cutting of the text of a Shakespearean play for an upcoming production, and how much had actually been removed:) "It's on life support.  I removed vital organs."

Thursday, November 7, 2013

"I don't think strippers existed until Warrant's 'Cherry Pie' allowed them to."

Monday, November 4, 2013

(In regards to my mentioning that the Twitter posts I'm mentioned in get favorited by famous people:) "That's right honey.  Follow me, I'll lead you to the promised land.  Not sure where that is.  I think it's by Costco."

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Guest Stupidity

"Tootsie Rolls are the pennies of Halloween."

Friday, October 25, 2013

Guest Stupidity

"Nerd girl quote of the day: Vulcan in the streets, Klingon in the sheets."

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

(While watching a news article about biomimicry in robotics, regarding a pincer fashioned after a fish fin, designed for flexibility:) "When the machines rise up, at least they'll squeeze your head gently before separating it from your body."

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Guest Stupidity

"Speaking of eugenics, I saw this great episode of The Twilight Zone..."

Monday, October 14, 2013

From facebook, first day of classes:
I was about to take attendance when a student in the front row writes their name on a piece of paper, folds it and puts it in front of them.
Me: "Oh, a name plate. I feel like I'm at the UN, but with less chemical weapons."
Student: "So far."
Me: "I think I was just threatened."

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Guest "Stupidity"

"Nerds will save our society."

(While this was brilliant on its own, we were talking about how sloppily most people dress and how a brave few are bringing back proper dress, appreciation of the arts, etc., and how wonderful it is.  Proof that the theatre table is the best table at any event.)

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Guest Stupidity

(While watching a tap routine on TV, not performed on tap boards or in any way mic-ed:) "Turn your shoes up!"

Monday, September 16, 2013

Friday, September 13, 2013

(MPH paraphrased something I said, on Twitter:) "Who would want to call themselves a proud sponsor of the Eagles... Duracell would be good, I guess. #DCellDodgeball"

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Oh sorority chicks...

"It's like, yes, Virginia, there is a sluttyclause."

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Careful on the road

"That's what a y-wing is like!  It's like a Chevy Suburban with guns strapped to it."

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Guest Stupidity

"I'm mixing vodka and EmergenC.  I call it an Immunopolitan."

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Like basil?

"Hugs from you are like the seasoning to my day.  It's the squeezening."

Thursday, August 29, 2013


"Home isn't where the heart is or where you hang your hat...it's where you take a shit in the morning."

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

(Watching Starship Troopers:) "Do these ships have any discernible purpose other than to get shot?"

Monday, August 26, 2013

Not Youtube

"Look how far technology has come since the last video!"

Friday, August 23, 2013

Guest Stupidity

(During a chat about airport security and the perks of having a frequent flier card:) "Thanks for agreeing to a cavity search, here's a free drink."

Though really, shouldn't the drink come before the groping?

Monday, August 19, 2013


(Talking about reality TV:) "That's one of the things I hate most about our culture.  We've made being stupid a career choice."

Tuesday, August 13, 2013


"Blow jobs: not a good time for jazz hands."

Saturday, August 10, 2013


(Talking about a biblical figure in relation to Jewish traditions -- namely, leaving a place setting at the table for Elijah:) "Is he the one that stole the Kofi Anand? No-no wait... that's wrong, he's a war criminal... No wait he's head of the UN... No! Former head of the UN...  Affikomen!  That's what I meant."

Sunday, July 28, 2013

(Comparing himself to a self-immolating Buddhist monk, but using a citronella oil as a propellant so as to be conscientious of bystanders:) "I achieve enlightenment, you achieve a bug-free picnic."

Friday, July 19, 2013


"My mind, it's a scary place to be.  It's the low-rent district of the human experience."

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Guest stupidity

"It's like a Rick Moranis movie: Honey, I'm in the Bible!"

Monday, July 8, 2013


He stopped into work one day while I was busy in a fitting, and started checking out the various stuff piled on my desk, including the latest rehearsal report (we're working on Jesus Christ Superstar).  Eventually he left and I finished and returned to my desk, to find this annotation:

Friday, July 5, 2013

Bad things

(While watching the premier of True Blood, which included the implication of a three-way with Alcide:) "Man, I need to graduate Carnegie Mellon and become Pack Master."

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

During class

Say hello to his little friend...a 10" Newtonian telescope.  

 Through which we checked out the moon!

Monday, July 1, 2013


(After gesturing wildly with a head of lettuce:) "In fact, it's so serious, it's lettuce-worthy."

Sunday, June 30, 2013

(After gesturing wildly with a head of lettuce:) "Romaine, bitches!"

Monday, June 24, 2013

(After gesturing wildly with a head of lettuce:) "When the lettuce comes out, it's on!"

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Guest Stupidity

(From my wardrobe staff:) "If your hand has never tenderly grazed the balls of the person whose fly you're zipping up, you don't understand the meaning of the word 'diva.'"

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Guest Stupidity

"If I had a nursery, I would make a g-string pendant (car-lot banner).  Take that, Pinterest!"

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Guest stupidity

(Talking about shoo-fly pie:) "I make a nice wet-bottom."

Friday, June 14, 2013

(After a commercial for a hospital:) "That person has an IV, get them back inside before it gets infected!  God!  Fucking whiteboard hospitals and their stupid shit!"

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

(After I found a mysterious smear of blood on my chin and remarked upon it:) "What do I keep telling you?  You can't just sacrifice the people, you have to respect the ceremony."

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Thursday, May 30, 2013

(Watching Cosmos, after flailing excitedly:) "I hurt myself getting excited over Keppler's Second Law."

Guest Stupidity

"He could use a lesson in hubris but he's not stupid."

Guest Stupidity

"No amount of yoga will help rigor mortis."

Saturday, May 25, 2013

"Hey hon...I just got a reply from The Satellite of Love..."
(He tweeted to the MST3K guys...and got replies!  From Mike and Bill (aka Crow).)

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

"We've got plants in the backyard, plants on the bar, plants on the windowsill, plants over here (by the sink), and we are still the least exciting grow operation in Allentown."

Monday, May 20, 2013

(After adding some forgotten chopped green onions to the top of a mushroom dish:) "Presentation!  Points! Motherfuckin' scallions and shit!"

Friday, May 17, 2013

"Dancing and flailing.  In my world, the difference is nil."

Thursday, May 16, 2013

(While playing Words With Friends:) "Fuck you consonants!  You're no fun!  You think cause there's 21 of you you're better..."

Monday, April 8, 2013

(I reminded him that his iced coffee was downstairs, slowly melting from his ignorance.)  "The only thing that can keep me away from coffee is magic. (Trips)  Ow.  And the iron-gym thingie."

Saturday, March 16, 2013

(Watching an old episode of Star Trek: TNG, and remarking upon Wesley Crusher's godawful orange oversized sweater:)  "Only the Bennetin...Bennetton?  That's right, cause only the Bennettint man will pass.  Bennettint...Bennettint?  The Bennettint man is fashionable before God. The Bennettint man wears awful sweater...AWFUL SWEATER!"

Sunday, March 10, 2013

"You're like the Batman of absorbancy!"

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Guest Stupidity

"Hugh jackman comes to help you when you fall down, you stay the hell down!"

Monday, February 25, 2013

(Coming down the stairs after a shower, I mention that he looks like an anime character.) "Great.  I WAS going to get a drink, but that'll take me fucking 8 episodes."

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Guest stupidity

"One person's 'moist' is another person's 'pocketbook.'"

Yeah, we were talking about words people dislike.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Squee and MPH having a cute moment...

Friday, February 8, 2013

"I don't know what the sushi-wench exchange rate is."

Sunday, February 3, 2013

"It looks like I combed my hair with an M80 back here."

Monday, January 7, 2013

"I discovered quite by accident that I have enough hair to be a guido.  Thank god for combs, let good taste prevail."

Saturday, January 5, 2013

(After I complained that my hands were dry and rough:) "Oh, be quiet and give me some of that 40-grit loving."

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

We were given tickets (Phil's birthday gift) to a Next Iron Chef event being held in conjunction with Food Network's NY Food and Wine Festival in October. All of Iron Chefs and contestants had booths with a sample of their work...with only a few very notable exceptions, it was, as you would expect, amazing!  I had the camera (and a lot of the pictures I had to doctor -- the lighting was awful), so lots of photos of Phil and the chefs -- his deal, so I'm ok with it!  (We know he's the more photogenic of the two of us, anyway.)
Phil with Iron Chef Forgione
Us with Alton Brown!
Phil with...Elizabeth Falkner?  I think?
Chef Appleman at work
Phil with the original, Iron Chef Morimoto! 
Phil with Giada -- we spotted her in the crowd and I made him bother her.
Phil with Chef Guaranchelli -- Spoiler alert, she won.
Phil with his choice for winner, Chef Mehta.  Not pictured: my choice, Chef Mehndelsohn.
Morimoto at work
Phil with Iron Chef Zakarian (who was handing out pink bandaids from a tub large enough to drown in)
We pose with their promo
The back room where the Iron Chefs were set up -- you can barely see how packed the room was.
Phil with Iron Chef Michael Symon
The chefs present that evening.
"Look at my skin tone, do I look like I have rhythm?"