(After using my hand cream and then groping me:) "Clever huh? I camouflaged my hands as homosexuals."

Guest stupidity

(One of my coworkers, a director, asking about props:) "I want to know what palonies are. (sausages.) I knew that actually. ...Are they pretty palonies?"

"I'm not racist, I'm just funny."

Guest stupidity

(MPH's father -- who, with his wife, have trained the backyard squirrels to eat peanuts from their hands, though he formerly tried to shoot them.  MPH chucked a peanut at a squirrel and was admonished:) "I'm in touch with the universe.  I feed the animals now."

Guest stupidity

(MPH's cousin, Iceman) "I'm never getting married- (to us) no offense - it's going to be baby mama #1 and baby mama #2, that's it."

Guest stupidity!

(From my staff member Ann, a fellow rollergirl:) "Sharing the love means taking the bitch down with you."

"You know, if we never have kids, we should adopt (our friend) Brie.  That way, we can be proud of how far she's come as a scientist, and at the same time, disappointed at some of her life choices.  It's the total child experience."

"Squee needs a Christmas episode....well, I guess first she needs a show."

(On our vacation to Montauk, in the very quiet off-season:) "No students, no questions.  Just you, me, and my thoughts.  Threesome."