(Talking about when he was in school:) "That was back when I was just a little amazing. ...I was humble once, too."

Shameless Self-Promotion

Visit my shop and find a perfect gift for that special someone!  This weekend, use coupon code BLACKFRIDAY for 10% off your order!  

(Placing a steak in the broiler:) "Go go Maillard Reaction!"

The Big 3-0!

(If I recall, we were watching one of the Harry Potter movies:) "Ha! Five year olds didn't get the goat rape joke. That's for me!"

Happy birthday MPH!!

In Honor Of Thanksgiving

(Christmas eve, as a turkey is being prepared.  Makes what is presumably a turkey noise:) "I can commune with animals.  I am the Turkey Whisperer."

(Heading into a Chinese restaurant, after sitting in the car for long enough to get to the refrain on a popular Indian song and doing a proper bit of in-seat dancing along:) "I'm an honorary Desi.  I have instant access to trains in the event of an impromptu music video.  ...that might be the greatest sentence I've ever said in my life."

(Cooking an apple mixture for dessert:) "I just made the universe.  It's in my pan."

Guest Stupidity

"Gay men horde horrible things."  Our designer, referring to the masses of vintage 70s garments borrowed (or from his own collection) for our next show.