Merry Christmas!

(Visiting my parents in CT, doing some last minute shopping, my mother commented to a store employee about the fact that they were putting out supplies for all of the upcoming spring holidays, up to and including Easter:) "Not even born yet and we're burying Him."

Overheard in Class

(Discussing the results of a midterm:) "Instead of Watteau, I called them Wizzau Pleats, like that terrible actor from The Room!"

Guest Stupidity

The Seven of Diamonds is the bondage card."

Go see Nothing to Hide...if you can!  It was amazing!

Guest Stupidity

(At a production meeting:) "No one utters the phrase 'utter crap' like you."

Guest Stupidity

"We're tasting extinct bananas.  It's like eating a dinosaur."

Guest Stupidity

(During a fitting, adding a Roman-looking cloak to his costume for a masquerade scene:) "Friends, Romans, Countrymen...fuck it, we're partying."

(While reading this blog, having forgotten saying most of the things posted, and being thoroughly amused by them:) "It's like a mobius strip of forgetfulness and fun."

Guest Stupidity

(An actor on his fears:) "Just heights.  Only heights.  And bugs."

Guest Stupidity

(Re: the cutting of the text of a Shakespearean play for an upcoming production, and how much had actually been removed:) "It's on life support.  I removed vital organs."

"I don't think strippers existed until Warrant's 'Cherry Pie' allowed them to."

(In regards to my mentioning that the Twitter posts I'm mentioned in get favorited by famous people:) "That's right honey.  Follow me, I'll lead you to the promised land.  Not sure where that is.  I think it's by Costco."

Guest Stupidity

"Tootsie Rolls are the pennies of Halloween."

Guest Stupidity

"Nerd girl quote of the day: Vulcan in the streets, Klingon in the sheets."

(While watching a news article about biomimicry in robotics, regarding a pincer fashioned after a fish fin, designed for flexibility:) "When the machines rise up, at least they'll squeeze your head gently before separating it from your body."

Guest Stupidity

"Speaking of eugenics, I saw this great episode of The Twilight Zone..."

From facebook, first day of classes:

I was about to take attendance when a student in the front row writes their name on a piece of paper, folds it and puts it in front of them.
Me: "Oh, a name plate. I feel like I'm at the UN, but with less chemical weapons."
Student: "So far."
Me: "I think I was just threatened."

Guest "Stupidity"

"Nerds will save our society."

(While this was brilliant on its own, we were talking about how sloppily most people dress and how a brave few are bringing back proper dress, appreciation of the arts, etc., and how wonderful it is.  Proof that the theatre table is the best table at any event.)

Guest Stupidity

(While watching a tap routine on TV, not performed on tap boards or in any way mic-ed:) "Turn your shoes up!"

Guest Stupidity

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(MPH paraphrased something I said, on Twitter:) "Who would want to call themselves a proud sponsor of the Eagles... Duracell would be good, I guess. #DCellDodgeball"

Oh sorority chicks...

"It's like, yes, Virginia, there is a sluttyclause."

Careful on the road

"That's what a y-wing is like!  It's like a Chevy Suburban with guns strapped to it."

Guest Stupidity

"I'm mixing vodka and EmergenC.  I call it an Immunopolitan."

No one-day sales

"That's the magic of my butt."

Like basil?

"Hugs from you are like the seasoning to my day.  It's the squeezening."

Home...

"Home isn't where the heart is or where you hang your hat...it's where you take a shit in the morning."

(Watching Starship Troopers:) "Do these ships have any discernible purpose other than to get shot?"

Not Youtube

"Look how far technology has come since the last video!"

Guest Stupidity

(During a chat about airport security and the perks of having a frequent flier card:) "Thanks for agreeing to a cavity search, here's a free drink."

Though really, shouldn't the drink come before the groping?

Truth

(Talking about reality TV:) "That's one of the things I hate most about our culture.  We've made being stupid a career choice."

Hands

"Blow jobs: not a good time for jazz hands."

Ghosts

(Talking about a biblical figure in relation to Jewish traditions -- namely, leaving a place setting at the table for Elijah:) "Is he the one that stole the Kofi Anand? No-no wait... that's wrong, he's a war criminal... No wait he's head of the UN... No! Former head of the UN...  Affikomen!  That's what I meant."

(Comparing himself to a self-immolating Buddhist monk, but using a citronella oil as a propellant so as to be conscientious of bystanders:) "I achieve enlightenment, you achieve a bug-free picnic."

Slummin'

"My mind, it's a scary place to be.  It's the low-rent district of the human experience."

Guest stupidity

"It's like a Rick Moranis movie: Honey, I'm in the Bible!"

Work

He stopped into work one day while I was busy in a fitting, and started checking out the various stuff piled on my desk, including the latest rehearsal report (we're working on Jesus Christ Superstar).  Eventually he left and I finished and returned to my desk, to find this annotation:

Bad things

(While watching the premier of True Blood, which included the implication of a three-way with Alcide:) "Man, I need to graduate Carnegie Mellon and become Pack Master."

During class

Say hello to his little friend...a 10" Newtonian telescope.  

 Through which we checked out the moon!

Lettuce

(After gesturing wildly with a head of lettuce:) "In fact, it's so serious, it's lettuce-worthy."

(After gesturing wildly with a head of lettuce:) "Romaine, bitches!"

(After gesturing wildly with a head of lettuce:) "When the lettuce comes out, it's on!"

Guest Stupidity

(From my wardrobe staff:) "If your hand has never tenderly grazed the balls of the person whose fly you're zipping up, you don't understand the meaning of the word 'diva.'"

Guest Stupidity

"If I had a nursery, I would make a g-string pendant (car-lot banner).  Take that, Pinterest!"

Guest stupidity

(Talking about shoo-fly pie:) "I make a nice wet-bottom."

(After a commercial for a hospital:) "That person has an IV, get them back inside before it gets infected!  God!  Fucking whiteboard hospitals and their stupid shit!"

(After I found a mysterious smear of blood on my chin and remarked upon it:) "What do I keep telling you?  You can't just sacrifice the people, you have to respect the ceremony."

Guest Stupidity

"I'm so rich, I don't need pants!"

(Watching Cosmos, after flailing excitedly:) "I hurt myself getting excited over Keppler's Second Law."

Guest Stupidity

"He could use a lesson in hubris but he's not stupid."

Guest Stupidity

"No amount of yoga will help rigor mortis."

"Hey hon...I just got a reply from The Satellite of Love..."
(He tweeted to the MST3K guys...and got replies!  From Mike and Bill (aka Crow).)

"We've got plants in the backyard, plants on the bar, plants on the windowsill, plants over here (by the sink), and we are still the least exciting grow operation in Allentown."

(After adding some forgotten chopped green onions to the top of a mushroom dish:) "Presentation!  Points! Motherfuckin' scallions and shit!"

"Dancing and flailing.  In my world, the difference is nil."

(While playing Words With Friends:) "Fuck you consonants!  You're no fun!  You think cause there's 21 of you you're better..."

(I reminded him that his iced coffee was downstairs, slowly melting from his ignorance.)  "The only thing that can keep me away from coffee is magic. (Trips)  Ow.  And the iron-gym thingie."

(Watching an old episode of Star Trek: TNG, and remarking upon Wesley Crusher's godawful orange oversized sweater:)  "Only the Bennetin...Bennetton?  That's right, cause only the Bennettint man will pass.  Bennettint...Bennettint?  The Bennettint man is fashionable before God. The Bennettint man wears awful sweater...AWFUL SWEATER!"

"You're like the Batman of absorbancy!"

Guest Stupidity

"Hugh jackman comes to help you when you fall down, you stay the hell down!"

(Coming down the stairs after a shower, I mention that he looks like an anime character.) "Great.  I WAS going to get a drink, but that'll take me fucking 8 episodes."

Guest stupidity

"One person's 'moist' is another person's 'pocketbook.'"

















Yeah, we were talking about words people dislike.

Squee and MPH having a cute moment...

"I don't know what the sushi-wench exchange rate is."

"It looks like I combed my hair with an M80 back here."

"I discovered quite by accident that I have enough hair to be a guido.  Thank god for combs, let good taste prevail."

(After I complained that my hands were dry and rough:) "Oh, be quiet and give me some of that 40-grit loving."

We were given tickets (Phil's birthday gift) to a Next Iron Chef event being held in conjunction with Food Network's NY Food and Wine Festival in October. All of Iron Chefs and contestants had booths with a sample of their work...with only a few very notable exceptions, it was, as you would expect, amazing!  I had the camera (and a lot of the pictures I had to doctor -- the lighting was awful), so lots of photos of Phil and the chefs -- his deal, so I'm ok with it!  (We know he's the more photogenic of the two of us, anyway.)

Phil with Iron Chef Forgione

Us with Alton Brown!

Phil with...Elizabeth Falkner?  I think?

Chef Appleman at work

Phil with the original, Iron Chef Morimoto! 

Phil with Giada -- we spotted her in the crowd and I made him bother her.

Phil with Chef Guaranchelli -- Spoiler alert, she won.

Phil with his choice for winner, Chef Mehta.  Not pictured: my choice, Chef Mehndelsohn.

Morimoto at work

Phil with Iron Chef Zakarian (who was handing out pink bandaids from a tub large enough to drown in)

We pose with their promo

The back room where the Iron Chefs were set up -- you can barely see how packed the room was.

Phil with Iron Chef Michael Symon

The chefs present that evening.

"Look at my skin tone, do I look like I have rhythm?"