(Comparing himself to a self-immolating Buddhist monk, but using a citronella oil as a propellant so as to be conscientious of bystanders:) "I achieve enlightenment, you achieve a bug-free picnic."

Slummin'

"My mind, it's a scary place to be.  It's the low-rent district of the human experience."

Guest stupidity

"It's like a Rick Moranis movie: Honey, I'm in the Bible!"

Work

He stopped into work one day while I was busy in a fitting, and started checking out the various stuff piled on my desk, including the latest rehearsal report (we're working on Jesus Christ Superstar).  Eventually he left and I finished and returned to my desk, to find this annotation:

Bad things

(While watching the premier of True Blood, which included the implication of a three-way with Alcide:) "Man, I need to graduate Carnegie Mellon and become Pack Master."

During class

Say hello to his little friend...a 10" Newtonian telescope.  

 Through which we checked out the moon!

Lettuce

(After gesturing wildly with a head of lettuce:) "In fact, it's so serious, it's lettuce-worthy."