Thursday, August 29, 2013


"Home isn't where the heart is or where you hang your's where you take a shit in the morning."

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

(Watching Starship Troopers:) "Do these ships have any discernible purpose other than to get shot?"

Monday, August 26, 2013

Not Youtube

"Look how far technology has come since the last video!"

Friday, August 23, 2013

Guest Stupidity

(During a chat about airport security and the perks of having a frequent flier card:) "Thanks for agreeing to a cavity search, here's a free drink."

Though really, shouldn't the drink come before the groping?

Monday, August 19, 2013


(Talking about reality TV:) "That's one of the things I hate most about our culture.  We've made being stupid a career choice."

Tuesday, August 13, 2013


"Blow jobs: not a good time for jazz hands."

Saturday, August 10, 2013


(Talking about a biblical figure in relation to Jewish traditions -- namely, leaving a place setting at the table for Elijah:) "Is he the one that stole the Kofi Anand? No-no wait... that's wrong, he's a war criminal... No wait he's head of the UN... No! Former head of the UN...  Affikomen!  That's what I meant."