Wednesday, January 29, 2014

"I'm not saying I endorse that lifestyle, but when it comes to dancing I'm down with the coke whores."

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

(Regarding how passing a forkful of saucy Italian food across the table was not a wise idea:) "It's going to start out Lady and the Tramp and end up Exxon Valdez."

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Guest Stupidity

(From Facebook:) "'s clear that we've done something to anger the Plumbing Gods. Neil Gaiman hasn't adequately equipped us to address this situation."

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Belated holiday stupidity

"Call me old-fashioned, I like to deck the tree with pants on."

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

(While watching a magician performing on YouTube and criticizing his performance:) "Yeah yeah, big cards, clearly you're compensating."

Monday, January 13, 2014

"Looks like I'm gonna herpa derp into old age with you."

Thursday, January 9, 2014

(In the shop, while two students were discussing Harry Potter:) "Ladies! Less spell-casting more serging!"

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

(Pointing to some Christmas lights:) "Hey, plug in my dingly-dangly."

Monday, January 6, 2014

Partially Guest...Brilliance

(Originally posted on Facebook:) "(OP's) wife insisted on putting Sesame Street on Netflix for (his infant daughter). Out came Elmo, that fuzzy, falsetto-voiced hellspawn. (OP)'s daughter squealed in delight.

The dark times have begun.
(OP) Foolish girl to attack me so obviously. George Carlin specials are now on a loop at the (OP's) house. One does not topple a Sith with a mere pupic-thatch of a puppet. 
(MPH) Your overconfidence is your weakness. 
(OP) Your faith in Jim Henson is YOURS!"

Friday, January 3, 2014

(Discussing leftovers over text:)  "That's right Hamburger Helper.  Fuck you.  Right in your glove hole.  Or is that the Rice-a-Roni glove? No. Hamburger Helper. Fuck both them anyway. I don't need no stinkin' glove to cook! Ok, I do like my Ov-Glove.  And my fireproof BBQ ones are great.  Let me rephrase that.  I don't need no stinkin' anthropomorphic glove."