Guest Stupidity

"The couple that steals babies together, stays together."

Guest Stupidity

"Careful, last time I did that someone lost a side mirror."

Guest Stupidity

"This is what you do when someone starts throwing fireballs: giggle uncontrollably."

"Tesla is like the bacon of scientists."

(After a co-worker refused to sing along to Frozen:) "Leslie wants to build a snowman, unlike SOME people."

Guest Stupidity

"Bippity boppity bo-yah."

Guest Stupidity

"Remember when celebrities wore clothes?"

(Talking about candle scents, it was decided that my stripper name should be "Pineapple Flame.") "Pineapple Flame.  Finally, a stripper name that means something to you but also communicates that you'll take it in the ass if you get enough money."

Guest Stupidity

(After I texted with perceived plot holes while watching Frozen for the first time): "DON'T OVERTHINK DISNEY MAGIC"

Guest Stupidity

(Regarding the NY Mets): "They have a great talent for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory."

"It's all about the thin veneer of maturity.  Put that on my tombstone after I die doing something stupid."

(After testing some clearance wine sold in a glorified juice box): "This gives boxed wine a bad name, and that's saying something."

Guest Stupidity

(To MPH, regarding the saga of a squirrel trapped in his father's basement): "Be honest, you enjoyed using the ninja training a little bit."

Guest Stupidity

(Regarding symbiosis): "Like, you're not parasites, but you're both parasites."

Guest Stupidity

"You know me, I always vote for the devil you know (and have complicated emotional history with)."

Guest Stupidity

"It's a good thing paper isn't claustrophobic."

Guest Stupidity

"Every time I hear about another senator involved in a sex scandal I think, 'Yes! My gay agenda is working!'"

(Regarding Passion Parties): "It's a pyramid scheme with more vibrators."

"I'm bad at BDSM. It's 50 Shades of Phil!"

Guest stupidity

"That's Showtime for you.  'Sexy sexy history' should be their tagline."

guest stupidity

"You're like the Fresh Prince of Westminster Palace."

guest stupidity

'My field of fucks is sown with salt."

"I happen to enjoy meningitis more than I enjoy condoms.  ...in commercial form, anyway."

(Dejectedly:)  "My jazz hands are out of frame."

Guest stupidity

"I just want to give a pumpkin spice blowjob is all."

(Directing me to a particular liqueur in the bar:) "If the bottle was a person, Sir Mix-a-Lot would love it."